Everyone experiences pain or grief at some point in their life. This is all a part of the human condition, and it is normal because no one is immune to getting hurt or experiencing loss. If we allow ourselves to grieve and wallow (at least for a small amount of time), then moving on becomes attainable. Also, accepting that we are not alone in our pain can help tremendously.
At the beginning of the year, I went through personal turmoil because I found out that my boyfriend and best friend decided to date someone else, and also had been unfaithful throughout our relationship. I failed to see the “red flags” because I was in love and believed what he told me. It wasn’t until I found out about his cheating weeks after our parting (from the other woman actually, who did not know about me and I enormously respect), that I was able to take him off of a pedestal. Though his behavior is not excusable, I realized that his actions stemmed from his own insecurities and painful past.
Recently, I read a book by Brené Brown, Ph.D. called “Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone,” which was published in 2017 to stellar reviews. The main message of the book is to stay true to yourself, but the last section of the book emphasizes how when people grieve collectively, they are stronger. She cites the Sandy Hook shootings in 2012 as an example and talks about if more people share their pain or insecurities with others, many ills of the world could be alleviated. We are all in this together.
As someone who does not like to share my personal life with others, sharing my relationship woes is something I would do with only a few individuals (never mind on this blog). Frankly, there are far more important problems going on in the world. However, if I or anyone else doesn’t take the time to call pain out for what it is, it would be hard to move on. No one move forward without learning to live, and even embrace, their pain because it leads to growth.
I recently decided to harness all I have learned and am writing my first book, which is a series of poems dedicated towards those who have overcome pain, especially due to toxic relationships.
I hope to help others feel empowered during times of struggle, so that they can live confidently.
How has pain helped you?